The Cavs have lost two straight to teams that they should have beaten. Evidently Mike Brown's brilliant stunt has begun to wear itself out. Let me explain.
You see, when Mike Brown maliciously benched Big Z, giving him a DNP-CD on the night he was to break the franchise record for games played, Brown also gave the other Cavs a motivation for positive action. Lebron famously looks on Big Z as an older brother, so Mo Williams and Jamario Moon look up to Big Z as a beloved uncle. So we have that the Cavs played with the fire of family scorned. They fought like insurgents in a brutal quagmire. Of course, because of this, the Cavs won a number of games consecutively, even trouncing the Suns in his glorious return to action.
"But now they're returning to the mush and depression of mediocrity, and the ball is in MB's court," Mike Brown considers with aggravation, "But, you know psychology. You have to go more extreme, just a hair more extreme with the stimulus, every single time, to get the same response. Could he bench LeBron on the night of a potential scoring title, as he races against Melo? No, that would be too late in the regular season for his tastes. It has to be soon. Hmm...could he KILL a minor player? No...that's out of bounds. That wouldn't be a rad thing to do, even for a 66-win team. Hell, even for a 70-win team."
Could he hurt Big Z just incrementally worse than last time? Yes, he could. That has to happen, Mike Brown supposes. His chin bobs up and down as he considers malefactions of every sort. Finally, he has thought of something. Mike Brown has thought of something perfect.
2 Days L8r.
In Quicken Loans Stadium in Cleveland, the arena is completely darkened except for spotlights of black-lights moving around and strobe black-lights everywhere. The music is that music they played when MJ returned. An announcer is really intense.
"Tonight, in a special tribute, we are honoring, at Center, for the Cleveland Cavaliers, Žydrūnas Ilgauskas!!!"
Big Z comes out of the locker room in a white jumpsuit (made bluish green by the lighting) and gives a bunch of fans the high five as he runs to the court. When he gets on the court all the Cavs and Trail Blazers give him a high five.
"In honor of this special night, please rise...for the LITHUANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM"
Suddenly, a choir of bats and girls and boys appears at half court. The bats make the words of the boys and girls sound like crying as they begin their...
"Lietuva, Tėvyne mūsų,
Tu didvyrių žeme,"
...rendition of the anthem. Lithuania sounds like a place of misery and fiddles with the arrangement of voices and the horrible PA system. And Mike Brown is...laughing? Where is he? It then occurs to Z that the laughing is ON THE TAPE accompanying the voices over the PA system. "What the hell?" he says, nearly audibly.
"Iš praeities Tavo sūnūs
Ta stiprybę semia."
"I vant to drink your vlod!", laughs Brown from the arrangement. Oh no, thought Z. What now? The arrangement of the anthem abruptly stops, and Mike Brown, holding a microphone, has somehow moved to center court and is dribbling a basketball. He is dressed in white-face, with fangs, and there is blood on his teeth. In the single black spotlight at center court, he is wearing a white cape studded with diamonds that reflect brightly. Ilgauskas also notes that the fangs are also studded with diamonds. Oh...Christ.
"I am vrom Liffavania and I vant to drink your vlod." For 20 minutes Mike Brown dribbles the basketball, with all players, media, and fans looking on, and then begins a routine. He pretends to defend and attack the basket and rebound, a clear, mocking imitation of Big Z. The spotlight, now the only one on in the building, follows Mike Brown exclusively, and we can't even tell if the shots he is attempting are going in. There is, save for Brown's exhausted breathing, no noise in the entire arena. Still in vampire-song, Mike Brown, after over an hour of this, wipes off the white-face, directs the mop-boys near the basket to clean it up, and announces, into the microphone:
"GAME ON!!"
LeBron just shakes his head in disgust and prepares for an unavoidable victory.
You see, when Mike Brown maliciously benched Big Z, giving him a DNP-CD on the night he was to break the franchise record for games played, Brown also gave the other Cavs a motivation for positive action. Lebron famously looks on Big Z as an older brother, so Mo Williams and Jamario Moon look up to Big Z as a beloved uncle. So we have that the Cavs played with the fire of family scorned. They fought like insurgents in a brutal quagmire. Of course, because of this, the Cavs won a number of games consecutively, even trouncing the Suns in his glorious return to action.
"But now they're returning to the mush and depression of mediocrity, and the ball is in MB's court," Mike Brown considers with aggravation, "But, you know psychology. You have to go more extreme, just a hair more extreme with the stimulus, every single time, to get the same response. Could he bench LeBron on the night of a potential scoring title, as he races against Melo? No, that would be too late in the regular season for his tastes. It has to be soon. Hmm...could he KILL a minor player? No...that's out of bounds. That wouldn't be a rad thing to do, even for a 66-win team. Hell, even for a 70-win team."
Could he hurt Big Z just incrementally worse than last time? Yes, he could. That has to happen, Mike Brown supposes. His chin bobs up and down as he considers malefactions of every sort. Finally, he has thought of something. Mike Brown has thought of something perfect.
2 Days L8r.
In Quicken Loans Stadium in Cleveland, the arena is completely darkened except for spotlights of black-lights moving around and strobe black-lights everywhere. The music is that music they played when MJ returned. An announcer is really intense.
"Tonight, in a special tribute, we are honoring, at Center, for the Cleveland Cavaliers, Žydrūnas Ilgauskas!!!"
Big Z comes out of the locker room in a white jumpsuit (made bluish green by the lighting) and gives a bunch of fans the high five as he runs to the court. When he gets on the court all the Cavs and Trail Blazers give him a high five.
"In honor of this special night, please rise...for the LITHUANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM"
Suddenly, a choir of bats and girls and boys appears at half court. The bats make the words of the boys and girls sound like crying as they begin their...
"Lietuva, Tėvyne mūsų,
Tu didvyrių žeme,"
...rendition of the anthem. Lithuania sounds like a place of misery and fiddles with the arrangement of voices and the horrible PA system. And Mike Brown is...laughing? Where is he? It then occurs to Z that the laughing is ON THE TAPE accompanying the voices over the PA system. "What the hell?" he says, nearly audibly.
"Iš praeities Tavo sūnūs
Ta stiprybę semia."
"I vant to drink your vlod!", laughs Brown from the arrangement. Oh no, thought Z. What now? The arrangement of the anthem abruptly stops, and Mike Brown, holding a microphone, has somehow moved to center court and is dribbling a basketball. He is dressed in white-face, with fangs, and there is blood on his teeth. In the single black spotlight at center court, he is wearing a white cape studded with diamonds that reflect brightly. Ilgauskas also notes that the fangs are also studded with diamonds. Oh...Christ.
"I am vrom Liffavania and I vant to drink your vlod." For 20 minutes Mike Brown dribbles the basketball, with all players, media, and fans looking on, and then begins a routine. He pretends to defend and attack the basket and rebound, a clear, mocking imitation of Big Z. The spotlight, now the only one on in the building, follows Mike Brown exclusively, and we can't even tell if the shots he is attempting are going in. There is, save for Brown's exhausted breathing, no noise in the entire arena. Still in vampire-song, Mike Brown, after over an hour of this, wipes off the white-face, directs the mop-boys near the basket to clean it up, and announces, into the microphone:
"GAME ON!!"
LeBron just shakes his head in disgust and prepares for an unavoidable victory.
A lot better than that last one, at least. I love the last line. Which makes sense because I wrote almost all of these pieces, and almost all the comments.
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