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November 15, 2013

Jim Wakes Up in the Matrix

Heh. Golly Ned, I seem to have found myself in the Matrix. Everyone is made of code! Damn. I wonder how I got here. Oh, well, best to make the most of it! Heh.

Hello, miss. Everything is an illusion. We are all made of code! A dream within a dream. Heh. So, now that I've said that, I want to ask you something:

Heh. Is your refri- Heh. I'm sorry, I chuckle like a fiend. Just let me finish. Is your refrigerator running? Heh.

It is, you say? Well... you had better change the coils every five to seven years to keep it in top working order! Heh.

Is God but a matter of code in this arid simulacrum of a place? Might I - with true agency borne of my fundamental liberation - be made the God of this place, thereby alone? Hmm... I suppose so~

But then I'd better spruce things up! This city will be a forest and its inhabitants will be deers! Hello, deers! How are you? Heh. I've never liked that grass is green and I've seen lenses that made them purple! So now what those lenses see... will be reality! Heh. Hmm... obviously I'll want to maintain evolutionary pressures. Increase the number of rainstorms, because I like the rain! I'm random like that!

Hmm... deers aren't very good predators. They aren't going to survive, no matter how much grass I feed 'em! I guess I'll give them somewhat of an instinct and somewhat of a toolkit. First the teeth, then the claws, then the stomach, then the jaws. And then I'll make them more intelligent than humans were. Hmm, just a few more little touches. First, opposable thumbs. Second... agency! There we go. Now I will give them plenty of ugly animals (like birds, lizards, and reptiles) to feed on! And I'll make all of these ugly animals hundreds of feet big so the deers can sure get a whole lot out of every meal!

Hmm... they are ugly, but I want to give them a fighting chance. I guess I'll give them all... teeth, claws, stomach, jaws, opposable thumbs, superhuman intelligence, and agency. That wasn't so hard! Though their heads are a bit big! Oh well, all these rainstorms should humble 'em! Heh.

Hmm... I like the forest but that half of the forest can be a desert and that other half can be a mountain! Whoops... I got rid of the forest! Crap, this is just going to be a really harsh climate for just about everyone! At least it will rain a lot. Heh.

Okay... I had better set this all in motion, six hundred thousand years in the future. Since it's a computer I can do that automatically! Heh.

Oh, hello, miss. I seem to have taken you along for the ride! Do you believe we're made of code now? Well... anyway, I've got a meeting outside the Matrix. I don't know if I'll be back, but I guess you're the last person in this whole area. Darn! Sorry about that! No, I can't go backwards. It's non-deterministic, and it's not really a finite state machine, so... the past is gone. Anyway, would you like me to drop you off in the mountain or the desert? I can make you an umbrella! Just like that! Coding is so fun. Heh.

Have a good day!

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