God Troubles

I have that "nice guys finish last" syndrome, at least when it comes to my relationship with the gods. Why won't they talk to me seriously? I'm perfectly self-deprecating, loyal, nice, thoughtful, aspirational, and helpful. I try. But it's all in vain. Sure, I don't think I offend the gods, and they're only too willing to tell me about how their newest convert is a selfish, cowardly man. But they never come calling after his fall from grace. They just keep chasing another whose path has strayed, when I'm right here, brooding and seething. I've always been right here, gods! You can do better! You have my number!

I mean, gods seem to be vaguely aware I exist but when it comes to bathing their immanent, heavenly love on someone I'm the last guy they call. I'm in the friend zone, where they seem to pity me - yes, albeit with infinite mercy - but pity doesn't pay the divine bills, doesn't satisfy the cosmic urges to see justice and purpose exacted with cosmic mercy upon the infinite plane of their existences. I guess I'll always be here in the friend zone.

Sure, I suppose I could get down on my knees and beg, like a chump. But how would that work? Or maybe I could finally take care to help someone else in a substantive way for a goddamn change instead of pretending abstractly like I'm such a caring fellow. I guess I could demonstrate that I'm a self-sufficient spirit that can survive at least a few goddamn minutes without a god's vindication, so that they don't have to feel like they're going to wind up leaving me helpless and dependent on them. I guess I could demonstrate that with the fortunes I've been given that I can be an active provider of spiritual energy and not just a successful passive equilibrium of one man's give and take. I guess I could finally admit that I don't just want the gods to passively give me comfort in times of strife but to actively glorify whatever unearned achievements I get for having been born intelligent, even though I'm ungrateful for that, too. If they only knew the power-mad fantasies I have... Hell, maybe we could even find common ground there! As a start, I guess I could check my mortal privilege at the door, given that for all the crap I have to deal with, it's probably ten times worse when you know you're going to be around forever, and I can't begin to imagine walking through a market and having passers-by constantly petitioning me like they've seen the face of God or something. Not that I could even imagine what it's like to be a god, haha... What a weird, embarrassing, gross thought. I don't care if they're omnipresent; I hope they never hear that part. I guess maybe I could acknowledge that I don't know what it's like, and that they've probably heard a thousand guys before give this whole speech before. Maybe I could just have a talk with the gods and, you know, be upfront and explain how I feel about them, not just asking them for emotional reciprocity like they exist for my pleasure.

But, nah: it's much easier to sit and complain. Gods are assholes.