I'd like to make a few confessions on behalf of Pearls of Mystery. In the course of writing a blog post, numerous sins of the writer tempt me at every turn. Like, there was this one time I convinced my alcohol-neophyte friends to mix Dr. Pepper and Irish Cream*. Still other times I have had to break someone's leg. I dont remember why or if it had anything to do with writing a blog.
*actually quite tasty, though the tasteless slurry on the bottom would make it unsuitable for a general drink.
But the worst thing I've ever done is definitely that time I tried to break someone's leg. Wait, no, that wasn't me. And even if it was, I don't think that had anything to do with the blog.
In fact, I've never really done anything bad on this blog. But I haven't done anything good, either. Now my task is simple: I just have to do something good without doing anything bad, and I will be tied for the best blogger in the world according to efficiency metrics. Then I just have to keep writing neutral and good things, so that I climb steadily up the usage chart.
Onward!
15 Years Later
It's 2026 and I'm full of regrets. I wish I had been a good blogger like Tim Duncan, or even an evil blogger like Kevin Garnett, instead of whiling away the days, blogging just adequately, like Richard Jefferson - standing beside but apart from this mountain of good and evil. I wish I had done just one thing that wasn't perfectly neutral, one thing that was centrally good or evil in my life. Oh well, that's why we live the days - to determine who is good and who is evil and who is better and in what ways. Also Tim Duncan is 50 years and a few months old, and that's kind of a terrifying thought; the only thing more terrifying is that I'm 37. Me! That intrepid kid with the blog! Imagine that! And what they say about me behind my back! "All he does these days is bring impressionable college students to his apartment and lecture them about the blood of the workers and then he asks them to pay his rent for him. He's almost 40 and I struggle to remember a time when he was young." Nonsense! I am so young I practically speak and write as if I were 15 years in the past!
*Shout out to Tim: Hey, congratulations on your 24th major title, your third of this year. You're right on pace to be the first winner of the Grand Slam Dunk in the Open NBEra, Tim. That's real special. But you earned your title, Tim! Again!
*actually quite tasty, though the tasteless slurry on the bottom would make it unsuitable for a general drink.
But the worst thing I've ever done is definitely that time I tried to break someone's leg. Wait, no, that wasn't me. And even if it was, I don't think that had anything to do with the blog.
In fact, I've never really done anything bad on this blog. But I haven't done anything good, either. Now my task is simple: I just have to do something good without doing anything bad, and I will be tied for the best blogger in the world according to efficiency metrics. Then I just have to keep writing neutral and good things, so that I climb steadily up the usage chart.
Onward!
15 Years Later
It's 2026 and I'm full of regrets. I wish I had been a good blogger like Tim Duncan, or even an evil blogger like Kevin Garnett, instead of whiling away the days, blogging just adequately, like Richard Jefferson - standing beside but apart from this mountain of good and evil. I wish I had done just one thing that wasn't perfectly neutral, one thing that was centrally good or evil in my life. Oh well, that's why we live the days - to determine who is good and who is evil and who is better and in what ways. Also Tim Duncan is 50 years and a few months old, and that's kind of a terrifying thought; the only thing more terrifying is that I'm 37. Me! That intrepid kid with the blog! Imagine that! And what they say about me behind my back! "All he does these days is bring impressionable college students to his apartment and lecture them about the blood of the workers and then he asks them to pay his rent for him. He's almost 40 and I struggle to remember a time when he was young." Nonsense! I am so young I practically speak and write as if I were 15 years in the past!
*Shout out to Tim: Hey, congratulations on your 24th major title, your third of this year. You're right on pace to be the first winner of the Grand Slam Dunk in the Open NBEra, Tim. That's real special. But you earned your title, Tim! Again!
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