Behold Bobby Ramos, God of Interviews. If he were any more commanding, he would be able to slap a world down with his bare hands. Despite that, what he's left with is substantial, a force of nature. A hundred feet tall, he powers through his enemies like a knife through butter.
Anyway, an 1100-page biography of Ramos, apparently written and published that very morning, surreptitiously dropped into my waiting arms from the sky. Given my atheism, I prefer to think a strategically timed airplane or helicopter were responsible; but, in light of Ramos' appearances above, I am questioning my faithless mien as we speak. Anyway, here are some excerpts, which I shared with the huddled masses on Twitter, of course to no avail.
I will now present scenes from the 1100-page oral history of Bobby Ramos.
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
1. "I swear to God, Bobby walks in a room and the folks turn to and away from him like magnet filings. Impossible charm and swagger."
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
2. "Ramos always was a charmer, but he made sure things were done just as he asked, just as he wanted them, without the slightest change."
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
3. "I remember one time he asked a question, and it was laughable, but the next day there weren't any laughs at Bobby Ramos."
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
4. "Bobby had these great iron bars for arms, and he used them to get right up in your face and ask the question that would rend your soul."
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
5. "In later years, Bobby became... erratic... in a good way, in a creative way. Convinced he was on the radio all the time. Convinced us."
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
6. "LeBron and Wade... they knew Ramos' question was BS. They couldn't know that he was only asking it as part of a decades-long chess game"
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
7. "Funny how he'd ask the dumbest question, like he hadn't prepared, and then he knew the exact levers by which a person could be governed"
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
8. "Oh, Bob Ramos knew the Constitutions of every state by heart... he basically flew charter for free. Nobody ever figured out how."
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
This concludes my excerpts from Bobby Ramos' life story, which dropped into my waiting arms from the sky above not a moment ago.
— Alex Dewey (@DewNO) June 11, 2014
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