Travel Blog - Day 12: An American in Paros

In one of the more blasphemous tracts extracted from the post-Pentagon papers of 2018, the time-traveler Oscar "Mercury" Robertson slipped this line into an analysis of the great lockout of 2011:

There is no rebirth. There is no lockout. There is no God.

Whether it's right or wrong (following Thucydides), the owners and players have more bargaining power than the fans, and so they will do what they can, as the fans suffer what we must. But I think this can give us a lens for appreciating the lockout just as we might appreciate a playoff series, as I'll try to explain.

You see...back in 2010, when the Lakers played the Celtics in the Finals, for most fans, the season was over. Either of the most banal, sketchiest contenders would prevail. And it was, as it had to be, the most cynical series that I have ever witnessed. To describe it is to encapsulate it: Kobe took over for a third quarter and left his teammates to wither and rot in the fourth quarter. Ray Allen shot seven threes in a half, but (seemingly psychologically) struggled the rest of the series and ended up right around average. Rajon Rondo probably got an obscene statline in a couple games because of a tremendous third quarter in which he was ubiquitous. The home team got a free throw disparity and won by a margin comfortably fitting this free throw disparity. Pau Gasol was and is less talented than Kobe but because he rebounded and had better percentages he probably played more effectively. When Kobe rebounded and forced his way into the lane all of this became more forgivable and his team won Game 7. Phil Jackson and Doc Rivers were calm and balanced. Kevin Garnett got beaten by Pau Gasol. Etc. Etc.

Things that aren't as inherently funny as you might expect them to be

A list of things that seem to have inherent humor but instead are heavily contingent on the situation.

-John Goodman
-Shaq
-Carrie Anne-Moss

Anyway I hope to light a flame that will not die
to explain why
I
support Shaq and his Cavaliers.  but not in the NBA fi-
nals.  The logic is simple, the reasoning almost insulting.

You see, the Magic are a godly force in the East.  They have hundreds of players, manifold stables of guards, and millions of centers.  There are a million Dwight Howards housed in the Florida area.  Every public appearance he has made was made by a different Dwight Howard.  But with all of this depth in the line-up, I get a sort of...sense of what should not be. Not Satan, nor any of the demons invented by man.  But Lovecraft comes close.

Raw, Unfettered Baskebanlysis for Halloween Time

Do you remember John Goodman?  I hate to cut in, mid-scene, but the narrative demands it.  We are in a motel room and John Goodman, burning, walks in.

Anyway, the fire is burning all over the motel but John Goodman appears to be unaffected by the smoke or flames, (naturally, given his extraordinary nature) even as the foundation of the motel may be destructed. In your mind I want you to try and turn the fire surrounding the man into an aura of power.  Yes, let's take this image to the next level.  First picture the fire, in its complexity and red-hot hydra-legs reaching out in every direction..  But now that fire is also a 60 foot radius of undiluted, spherical, visible and translucent energy.  You can see him but it blurs his face a bit.  Alright, so it is red-orange pure power surrounding a smiling John Goodman who is carrying a shotgun. Just for fun let's also put him in his red and white flannel and his jeans and maybe overalls. Still surrounded by a red-orange glow.