DISCLAIMER: All characters, eating establishments, and ideas appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or to eating establishments), is purely coincidental.
Applebee's
Bridgenspirit, NY
2018 CE
A jig is playing on the speakers. It's someone's birthday. A child's. You can see where they're sitting in the crowd and the attention their friends and family subtly give to the birthday child. "For he's a jolly good fellow" has been bowdlerized, removed of gender, and made into a jig, which the employees perform specifically for that child, who smiles at the employees. The whole crowd gives the child a decent cheer. The stand-up comedian stands up from his seat on the stage at the conclusion of this final cheer.
"Hello, folks. I'm a stand-up, but you could probably have already told me that, given that you're all sitting down, and I'm..."
The comedian puts the brakes on this last word with perfect timing. Perfect timing to let the audient void process and respond to the joke. And they do; they seem to like the joke. The quiet laughs are sincere, and more than polite. The comedian sits down on the provided stool, both as a quick topper and to rest his haunches.
"Anyway, I'm probably the first stand-up you've ever seen in an Applebee's."
The comedian is playing on the fact that Applebee's is insensibly and universally popular in the town of Bridgenspirit in the year 2018, and the fact that Applebee's hosts stand-ups (or at least an open mic) virtually every night. The crowd delights in the recognition with an immediate roar of laughs.
"So, isn't it weird that - of all places - Applebee's is the home for the most subversive comedians of this whole damn period after the War? Of everywhere comedians could come together? But it's Applebee's, a chain restaurant for families. Who'd'a thunk it! Seriously - it's the most branded, commodified experience on the face of the earth. You know what I'm saying? I mean, those employees back there can't even breathe unless it's to the rhythm of a non-copyrighted birthday song!"
Some scattered laughs. Meanwhile, the employees in the back of the audience nervously avert their eyes from the comedian and look at one another with a bit of rage. Silently and imperceptibly, they time their sighs to the jig, still playing quietly on the loudspeaker.
